The Verse Curse, by Georgios (Georgie) Polihros

words, via google images

The epidemic just showed up one day

And right from out of nowhere

Neither from Canada’s lush blue mountains

Nor from the streets of Delaware

All of a sudden when people opened their mouths

Even if that person was a mime

As soon someone was to say something

They’d compulsively say it in rhyme

Every sentence and every thought

That was uttered out loud

Was a jingle, couplet, quatrain or limerick

Of course, people were wowed

Even if you wanted to say something

That was unable to rhyme in some way

A haiku would just be spoken instead

This kept going on, day after day

Scientists were totally baffled

At what was going down

Maybe there was a neurological connection

Spreading it from town to town

Maybe all affected had bonked their heads

Or, by a new bug, were all bit

Or maybe it was some weird sort of contagion

But no, none of that was it

And if you stuck around someone

Who just had to speak in verse

You would have to start rhyming too

It soon started feeling like a curse.

At first everybody was a wee bit confused

But it actually started out fine

People were taking advantage of the thing

By making someone say a funny line

But opinions on Rhymitis changed really soon

As people started to get sick

Of always speaking in haikus and verse

Or even a freakin’ limerick

At least two lines had to end the same way

Every time that something was spoken

For anything at all, for every single day

People felt that their brains were broken

After just a few days people began to go nuts

Over the Constant-Rhyming Disease

People soon started duck-taping their mouths

Just so they could be at ease

But it was no use as it got a lot worse

When sufferers of the verse-virus

Soon started to write in rhymes as well

Affecting all, including the Irish

So many college papers handed to graders

Were written in iambic pentameter

It drove many teachers to be totally mad

And as steamed as a gas heater

Except of course, for Poetry teachers,

Who had no problems with this

Their students’ work was of higher quality

And grading was now a bliss

As the epidemic grew out from the cities

To the suburbs, and onto the plains

More scientists were called in to try to find a cure

And terminate everyone’s pains

It seems the brain can only stand one month

Of the verse-speak-causing bug

Until it goes absolutely mad

And then, like it’s on a drug

The brain completely flips its lid

You go completely nuts

You get paranoid and agitated

And do foolish things like a putz

So many people took to the extremes

And had their mouths sewn shut

Others still went in for surgery

To have their vocal chords cut

Many others just ended it all

And jumped off any high spot

Any tall building, any ledge they could find

For rhyming forever, they just could not

The situation was now deadly serious

So the scientists formed teams

To eradicate the horrid Rhymitis

And put an end to dreaded rhyme schemes

People everywhere fortified their homes

And set books of poetry ablaze

In massive bonfires they danced around

Some of which would last for days

Hiding in a bomb shelter outside a small town,

Scientists soon realized its source

What had started the horrible pandemic off

It was the latest music, of course

The most popular songs of recent years

Contained a large amount of rhyming

The culprits were singers and writers of fame

Whose hits on the charts were climbing

The overdone use of rhymes in our songs

Was seriously overwhelming the brain

Adapting to the music by forcing out rhymes

When speaking out loud, again and again

The Introduction of good, catchy songs

All with not one single rhyming phrase

Was the simple key to defeating Rhymitis

The melodically-neural craze

All the greats were rounded up

From Swift to Underwood, plus Cher

And recorded much more better songs

With no rhyming but plenty of flair

They then released the brand-new tunes

And blasted them across the airwaves

Youngsters were forced to listen to the songs

At school grounds, dances and raves

Until our brains got used to hearing

A lack of verses in lyrics

And just as soon as it had appeared

Rhymitis vanished like supernatural spirits

In the years that have now passed

Everyone can see

That when it comes to rhyming in life

Moderation is the key

-Georgios (Georgie) Polihros